A year ago, I would cry driving to work. I was so unhappy in my job but I couldn’t see any way out. I would apply for other roles and go to interviews. But I’d always end up turning down job offers when I realised yet again that it wouldn’t pay enough or the hours were wrong. That it would upset this balancing act I’d found myself performing, with my night shifts and childcare costs and my husband’s work schedule. I needed out, but I couldn’t see how. So I’d cry. And I’d pray, not really believing for an answer.
In the summer, I was offered a job – in a better role, with better prospects. I hadn’t even applied for it. It was entirely undeserved and too good to be true. When I worried about the hours, they asked me what I needed and wrote it into my contract. When I handed in my notice, I wasn’t sure if it was right – especially financially -but I leapt. For me, it turned out to be the right choice.
Many of my colleagues chose to stay and ride out it out. And sometimes it’s right to hold firm. To cling tightly, on and on and out the other side. There are times this has been true for me. In my marriage, in work; through some of life’s storms. Weather worn and tired, but anchored. And when the sun’s broken in, I’ve known the quiet peace that this was worth it.
But sometimes, we hold on too long to things too heavy. And for all the hurt and energy wasted, all we have to show in our clenched fists is rope burn.
I’ve known this in relationships too. Countless nights sleepless over unanswered messages and the voices that grew quiet when life got hard. Friendships become unhealthy and lives find different paths. Sad as it might be, I’ve realised some were only meant to walk beside us for a season.
It’s daunting to move forward when we’re unsure of what will fill the space that distance creates.
But we need to let go, to free our hands for something new.
Linking up today with Holley Gerth for Coffee For Your Heart.